Tears In Heaven
by gammaraygus
Summary: Takes place in Unequally Yoked universe. Story happens before John and Shayera's eventual marriage. Both are learning to love again without guilt.
1. Peace

It had been a sleepless night. He had tossed and turned without relief. He uttered a name aloud and then awoke. He stared at the ceiling and then slowly moved his eyes to and fro to gain his bearings and assess his surroundings. Gradually sitting up in the bed, he peered into the darkness of the room. His back was against the headboard so that his torso and extended legs formed an "L". It was pre-dawn and his restlessness had awakened his bedmate as well.

"You okay baby?" she asked sleepily.

Her voice always sounded deeper when she was half awake. He loved her voice. He loved her. He loved her more than life itself. He always had. And today, of all days, that was a problem. He exhaled slightly before answering.

"Yeah…I'm okay. Sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep" he answered softly.  
"That's alright" she responded. "I'm up".

She slowly positioned her body so that her right cheek rested on his upper left thigh. After nestling in, she began to lightly rub his right leg with her left hand. The warmth and weight of her head on his thigh, along with her soft caress, began to relax him. He closed his eyes and allowed the back of his head to rest against the headboard.

"Mmmm. That feels good" he said in a whisper.

He had become relaxed to the point of falling asleep. However, just as he was about to succumb to slumber, he opened his eyes and gazed down at his angel. The rays of light emanating from the street lamp just outside his apartment's window revealed the winged silhouette of his companion. He reached down and stroked her brilliant red locks of hair and tenderly massaged her scalp. She closed her eyes and vocalized the pleasure she experienced from his touch.

They stayed in their respective positions for several minutes. To him they were minutes of blissful peace. It was a level of peace he was only able to achieve in the company of his soul mate. Personally, he hated that term, but he could offer no other explanation or description for how she made him feel. It was euphoria. It was if they were meant to be. It was if the cosmos itself had arranged their pairing. Unfortunately, the events surrounding his ability to experience this peace, would make the dawning day's activities, that more painful.

She knew what the day would bring. She knew why he couldn't sleep. She had experienced this day in previous years, but this was the first time she would experience it as his lover. It would not be the last.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked softly, while continuing to caress him.

A few silent seconds passed by. Both spoke in hushed tones as if in a theater, trying not to disturb other patrons.

"No. Don't go. I'm glad you're here with me" he answered.

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. "Me too, but…I understand if you want me to leave" she stated, before resting her head back on his thigh.

"Shayera, this will always be a difficult day for me and I can't think of anyone else…" he began, but she stopped him by placing her index finger over his lips.

"Shhh" she said, softly, but in her still deepened voice.

She stopped him because she could hear the beginning of his melancholic tone. Her enhanced hearing was good for listening long distances as well as detecting multiple frequencies. She could tell his stress level by the corresponding frequency of his voice.

With her finger still pressed against his lips she began to softly hum an ancient Thanagarian lullaby. She hummed the first bars and then slowly removed her finger in order to continue caressing him. The cadence and sound of her voice, along with her touch, slowly put him to sleep. She felt his body go limp and took the opportunity to position him on his side.

With his back now facing her she snuggled up close. She pressed her chest against his strong back and placed her left arm and hand on his chest. She then placed her left leg and thigh over his left leg. She loved being this close to him. She loved how his body felt. She loved him. She loved being able to lose herself in these moments. It seemed a lifetime, she thought, since she had been free to enjoy him and more importantly, enjoy them. She delighted in the new found opportunity and reveled in the moment until her thoughts betrayed her.

"You are here because she can't be" the voice in her head stated matter-of-factly. The thought was not cruel, but it was not kind either. It was what it was. It was a sobering, but honest assessment of their situation. She of all people knew this better than anyone because she had been there. She had been there when Katma's body arrived. 


	2. Reflections

Thinking back to that painful day, dampened what had been a wonderful mood. She slowly extracted herself from their spooned position and climbed out of bed. She was wearing one of his favorite U.S. Marine Corp t-shirts. It was too big in the shoulders and stopped at her thighs, but she had modified it to fit her unique anatomy. She still remembered the look on his face when she took the scissors to it. She laughed a little thinking about it.

Walking over to the bedroom's largest window, she opened the blinds and peered between the slates. It was still dark, but the faintest glow from the rising sun was beginning to appear. She closed her eyes and exhaled. She then turned her head to look back at her sleeping companion. Through the darkness, she could see his deep, rhythmic breathing. She smiled ever so slightly from the pride of knowing that she had been able to ease his restlessness. As she continued to look upon him, she remembered how he had told her years ago that he loved to watch her when she was sleeping.

He would often awake in the middle of the night just to gaze at her. Strangely, he never paid much attention to her wings. It was her personality that had attracted him, but it was her face that had ensnared him. There was something about her face, something oddly familiar, yet alien at the same time. Maybe they really were reincarnated lovers; he would sometimes allow himself to think. He didn't really believe that, but he couldn't explain the closeness they had. As much as he loved Katma and as much as he cared for Vixen, what he felt for her was different. They connected on a level he had never experienced before. It was beyond simple physical attraction. It was beyond respect. It was beyond fondness. It was if he had been hardwired to love her. It was primal and it was wonderful.

For her it was his curious mix of strength, pride, conviction and tenderness that she fell in love with. In the beginning, she chalked up her attraction to him as just a symptom of her loneliness. Later, she would convince herself that her attraction was due to his similarity to Hro. It was a lie of course, but it was a comforting lie for someone struggling with their feelings. The problem with a lie, however, is that it takes energy to maintain it. Not just mental energy, but emotional energy as well. When John left himself exposed, to push her out of harm's way from the Joker's bomb, her lie's energy ran out. As he lay there unconscious, she could no longer deny what every ounce of her being had been telling her. She loved him. She not only loved him, she adored him. He was the one. He was it.

She remained caught up in her thoughts of the past until her hearing picked up a change in his breathing. He was stirring. It was still too early she thought. With a yawn, she stretched her arms to the ceiling and spread out her wings. She made her way back over to the bed and quietly crawled in to resume her earlier position. As she moved her body closer to his, she smiled in the realization that once again, they shared a bed.

He instinctively, yet subconsciously reacted to her body's presence and rolled over onto his back. He ruined the spoon, but that was not going to keep her away from him. She gently placed her right cheek in the center of his chest. In that moment and unexpectedly, he murmured a name. He was asleep, but in his most vulnerable state he had said her name. No declarative love poem would ever sound sweeter. She smiled, closed her eyes and began to softly hum the lullaby again.


End file.
